The Best Day Of My Life... So Far

Brett Fag-ruh is not coming back.

Adios, shi*head!

Smiles, everyone, smiles.

Lincoln Lincoln Lincoln Vick

Pic: Vick's Jury by Gary Varvel

I.e. my three cents on Michael Vick getting back into the NFL:

1. I'm tired of hearing talking head cheesedoodle say something along the lines of "Playing in the NFL is not a right, it's a privilege" as some goofy non-argument, usually followed by "and he abused that privilege" or "and that means he isn't guaranteed getting back in." First of all, if you look up privilege, the first two words in the definition is "a right", so cheesedoodle is actually saying "it's not a right, it's a right":

: a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor ; especially :such a right or immunity attached specifically to a position or an office

Second of all, a privilege is generally something you get by virtue of your position. So it's not a privilege to play in the NFL any more than it's a privilege to bag groceries at the Red Owl or hammer a cow on the head at the slaughterhouse (well, maybe some people would count that, but only after getting hired). Playing in the NFL is a job, which accords you privileges just like any other job, e.g. pen-stealing, boss-mocking, bathroom-scenting (hi JP), etc. In addition, having a job in the NFL usually allows you to use the team's facilities for whatever you need to use them for.

But, it's a JOB.

2. There also seems to be a trend to mention that he's broke. How in Geezer's left kidney does that relate to whether he should be reinstated? It isn't specifically stated, so I don't know if this means "he's broke and should get a chance to earn millions to pay his creditors and return to his former lifestyle" or if it means "he's broke so he's paid an additional sacrifice in addition to his jail sentence".

Maybe there's another meaning that I haven't figured out, but neither one of these should influence diddly. He should be broke after being fined and not earning anything for a couple years and (as far as I know) having noone to liquidate his possessions and pile up the money for his return to society. I certainly don't have extra pity for anyone that loses all their money while in jail, and the first option would indicate that if I go to jail for stealing a sweet juicy monkey, then when I get out I should get to get a job that pays buttloads so I can pay my creditors. But that's not how it works. I get whatever job I can and I have to prove myself.

3. Remorse. I read from random journalist blah blah that Roger Goodell needs to look in his eyes and determine if he's truly remorseful. For what? Of course he's remorseful that he was caught and had his life detonated. But is he remorseful for dog fighting? He** no! Why should he be? I don't support any animal fighting, but he believed there was nothing wrong with it (other than being illegal), otherwise he wouldn't have been doing it (in a nice quiet area). There is almost no way that he doesn't still think it's okay to fight dogs and that the laws should just be repealed. He lied last year to Arthur Blank's and Goodell's faces and he'll do it again.

As far as I can tell, he's paid what debt he was forced to by our lawmakers and if someone wants to hire him they can. But he doesn't deserve to get back in the NFL and he shouldn't be given a break because he's suffered. Apply for the job and see what happens.

Right here, right now

((( Is this a trippy pic or what? )))

I don't particularly want to quote a Jesus Jones song name*, but what're ya gonna do if something works and nothing else comes to mind?

*No real problem with him/them except that his voice is very weak. Just doesn't come out over the music.

The point is, what's better than right now? Nothing, that's what.

Was it better when you were 5 and hit a ball without a tee for the first time? Of course.
Was it better when you were 12 and kissed a girl(/boy) for the first time? Heck yeah. (Ok, so I was 17 or something, who cares?)
Was it better when you were pounding beers at a kegger and threw up in the bushes and broke something important looking and never saw the host again except for that awkward moment when he rang you up at the Piggly Wiggly? Damn straight.

See a pattern?
It's always best right now. Now is when you know the most. Now is when you have the vast wisdom/shame of all that has gone before.
Have you ever thought of doing it all again? Sure, but what is always the caveat? That you get to take your knowledge with you.

Sure, that's easy! And from time to time I wish I could do it. Just to see.

But, really that would still make the new "now" the best time to be. I certainly expect there are people out there that would tell me to go chew a rock, and I feel for those whose life is horrible, but I also can't really identify with them. My life has never been more horrible than I've made it. I've got good health, an amazing family, brains, creativity, humor, opportunity, math skills, movie quoting skills...

For anyone that hasn't had things go completely kablooie, NOW is the best that your life has been. Even if some things are bad, overall it is the best time.

So celebrate it.

Take your shoes off in a public place and let people smell your stink.

Stand in a gutter barefoot in a really good rain and feel the current of the earth*.

*Technically, lava/"magma" would be the current of the earth, but it is frowned upon to stand barefoot in lava for obvious reasons (i.e. friends and family would be forced to say to strangers, "He seemed like such a smart/nice/sane/insert-complimentary-adjective-here boy)"

Pick your nose without seeing if anyone's watching.

Dance, dammit, dance.

Pick a day and eat a whole package of really good ice cream sandwiches (not the cardboardy cheap ones).

Put one hand on a tree and don't move it for an hour. See what the tree does and see if anyone talks to you. Then switch hands.

See if you can get as dirty, and care as little about it, as a 4 year old.

Eat snow.

Let a bee land on your hand, then stick your face in there (slowly now) and have a staring contest with it (you'll win since it'll ignore you) and then watch it closely and try to make sense of what it does.

Hug whenever you can.
Be amazed at literally everything (except smog of course) that happens in the atmosphere.
Smell a puppy every once in a while to get your head on straight.

And if you've given up on dragging your feet through autumn leaves just to hear the crunch and remember how sweet childhood was, then for the love of Ozzy's fungus riddled navel, just kill yourself cuz you've already given up.

Seriously, do something right now to reconnect to life. Who else is gonna do it for you? And who else can tell YOU how good it was.

Peace.

P.S. Always remember: Ear kisses and belly rubs make the world go 'round.

Ear kisses and belly rubs. Yeah.